Psalm 23:1

EniThingIWant, the Lord will provide.

Week of Oct 26: Kelly


Here is the podcast episode for this interview. This episode includes Eniola’s responses to each of Kelly’s answers.

About Image: Art made by Kelly, given away on ETIW IG

Q1: What does it mean for You to create?

1.1 “As I breathe in, I open myself up to spirit and intuition. As I breathe out, I release any fear and judgment. Creating to me is less about making something and more about what caused that urge to make and what it feels like to make. So it’s a positive or I guess it’s also a negative, just strong reaction. And because of that, when I haven’t created for an extended amount of time, I feel really flat and just not good.”

Q2: Where does creation take You?

2.1 “I’m someone who’s learning not to let their anxiety be completely intertwined with their to do list or their calendar. not let it plan my day for me. And when I’m making stuff I forget about my to do list and my calendar. And that’s always a relief because then you’re just focusing on what’s right in front of you and being present. And I think when I’m making stuff is when I am the most present”

Q3: If you were told you could never create again what would you do?

3.1 “If I couldn’t create ever again, I would, I don’t know, I guess I would think about how much time I had contributed of my life thus far to creating stuff. And I would probably just try to look at that as a chapter that had a start and an end and was positive and find the next thing that I could do, whether that be a new interest, maybe I could get into the side of myself that’s very interested in biology and how the body works. And I think I would just try to look at it as a sign that it’s time to start something new and look at it less as an end, that is ultimate and can’t be replaced with anything, because I don’t think that that should be how someone leads their life in the short time on this Earth. Because it is short, but it’s also very long. So to have different chapters, I think just means that it will be more fruitful.”

3.2 “This is a weird reference. But I often think about, I don’t know what kind of person he is other than what I’ve heard from different podcasts. But James Dyson, the guy who made the vacuums was bankrupt in his 40s, and was just engineering all these different trial vacuums in a shed in his backyard, he had 500, some versions that just didn’t work. And then he finally hit a sweet spot with the vacuum design and look where he is now. And that was basically, if he were to live to be 100 it was nearly halfway through his life. And I think that’s really beautiful, not having any sort of timeline that is stigmatized by what age you are, or what you’re supposed to accomplish by a certain time or if you’re supposed to stay in one thing your whole life.”

About Image: Screenshot from video put together by Kelly to announce collaboration with ETIW

3.3 “So I think I would think of that as a reminder that our internal clocks are often really invented and contaminated by what we’re consuming. And I don’t have to be one thing ever. So if I wasn’t able to create any more I would try to… I would be sad, but I would try to focus very much on the fact that it is an opportunity to try something new and look at the positives of that and not think that it’s the end of the world because I am still hopefully the reason that I can’t create any more isn’t health related. Hopefully I’m still able to move around and do things but yeah, I would just look at it as an opportunity to put my energy into something else.”

Q4: Do you believe we co create our reality? Why or why not?

4.1 “I do believe we co create our reality to some degree, I guess this is kind of a wishy washy answer, I think that on a more personal level, we do have our own realities and I think that becomes really prevalent during bouts of anxiety or depression, because that’s something that everyone experiences but doesn’t necessarily understand within each other because they’re not in your head. So something could be in your reality just completely devastating or completely stressful, and someone could be looking at you while you’re experiencing that and just wonder why you’re reacting that way, why you’re feeling so strongly or not strongly or apathetic or, or anything like that. And that’s because your response to this scenario at hand, is created by you. And you’re experiencing that by yourself, which doesn’t mean that everybody doesn’t understand or anything like that. But it doesn’t mean that anybody is feeling the same thing as you. So to assume that someone else’s day is affected by your reality, clarifies that you do have your own reality. And I think that’s something that’s really powerful.”

4.2 “All the different perspectives that people have, everyone really is their own person, as well as being a piece of this big puzzle. I think those differences are important to acknowledge. But also that it’s important to acknowledge that we’re all this big blob, that if you make this decision in this part of the blob, it’s going to affect that part of the blob up there. And in that way, I think our realities are co created, I think this can be seen pretty prominently with how human beings have affected the climate and what needs to happen in order to reverse the damage that is repairable, because that’s something that as a collective, we did A, and it led to B. And so now we need to do C to hopefully get back to before we did A. And I think all of that is action that we create and collect together.”

About Image: Art made by Kelly, given away on ETIW IG

4.3 “My dog wants to sit with me while I do this. Her reality, for example, I wonder what it’s like. And I think that’s a perfect example of realities being so personal, but also so together, because she’s thinking one thing right now and worrying and wondering why I’m in this room doing this talking into this microphone. But then as soon as we get to the park, if there’s another dog there, their realities are going to be completely intertwined. And they’re going to run around and they’re going to be so happy and then they’re going to be so thirsty and tired.”

4.4 “And I just think that’s really important to think about that there isn’t any one…maybe there isn’t any one yes or no to that question. Maybe it’s that it’s something that fluctuates. And in order to achieve a sense of balance in and continue to practice self awareness, acknowledging when you’re in your own reality versus when you’re in one where the people, the animals, the plants, the earth around you is also involved. I think being able to jump in between and acknowledge both is something that’s really important. So I guess, ultimately, my answer to that question is, I think we both co create and individually create our reality.”

Q5: What does love mean to you?

5.1 “I think love is a synonym for family. And I think I’ve only recently started to understand that family can mean more than just your immediate family. Kind of like how we create our own reality, within the collective reality. I think we create our own family, within the collective family, if that makes sense. I think love is equal to family and family is equal to thinking about that person before yourself. Whether that be a friend, whether that be a partner, whether that be your mom, your dad, brother, sister, whatever it is that that person takes precedence over yourself. And I think that replacement of focus on another person is really beautiful and powerful.”

5.2 “And I don’t mean to say you should care less about yourself in order to quantify an amount of love for another person because I don’t think you can actually feel that way authentically about another person until you do feel that way about yourself and understand yourself a little more. To me love is family and family can be a number of things but the comfort of sitting in silence with someone where the quiet isn’t super loud at all, and you’re not worried about filling the air. I think those people are a good litmus test for the people that you might love.”

Q6: Want is often called a state of lack, desire is often referred to as a will that is likely to be fulfilled. What is something you want that you are turning into desire?

6.1 “A want that I have that I’m trying to turn into desire?… Leaving the city at some point. I think sometimes when people move here from elsewhere to… I’m in Brooklyn right now, they feel some self fulfilling prophecy of, of I must do this, this this and this before I leave willingly, I don’t want to be like running away from here with my tail between my legs. And I think I’m only recently understanding within myself that a place is a place is a place. And it’s how you are in that place that matters more than the place itself, I think. And I, especially with quarantine, and everything, have been thinking so much more about being somewhere where I can grow my own food and my dog that I got during quarantine can run around and not worry about stepping on glass or whatever other odds and ends you find on the ground around here.”

6.2 “And just the chance to breathe a little bit financially and not be only thinking about money, because I feel like that ends up being the case for younger people here is you get so focused on how you can make money that you lose the reasoning that puts you here and the drive to create. Because if you create, create, create, just as something that you’ll be compensated for, I think you lose the desire the want, you lose that desire to make stuff for yourself, or make stuff just to react to something or in your downtime when you could be doing that you feel like you should be doing something productive. And I think that’s a product of living in a fast paced place. That’s hard to say. And that’s fine. I mean, I think that works really well for for people to keep them motivated. But I think I’m leaning towards slowing down a little bit. And being okay and comfortable with that, especially with how fast everything’s changing. It might feel balancing for me to slow down a little bit.”

6.3 “And another… another something another city another, I don’t know cabin in the woods, something just to reset a little bit. And before that was just something that I would think of on a whim and then I would get back into the hamster wheel and keep running. But now I’m seeing it more as a viable option, especially with my financial situation. Just where I’m at with my career, I think it is almost a great opportunity to begin transitioning to a different but similar different lifestyle where I’m still creating and I’m still seeing my friends and family and collaborating as much as I can with whoever is open to doing that and maybe just somewhere with more trees. So I think I want more trees and that’s something that can continue to grow into a desire and then hopefully I will be around more trees at some point in the future.”