ETIW Weekly Newsletter: July 31 2023

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On Trusting God Again

This past week has been challenging.

I made a choice that felt like the final nail in the coffin. I decided to completely die to my old self. It was not an easy decision. I had to come to an honest realization that my old habits of life were making me “lukewarm” with God. And I realized I didn’t want that anymore. I wanted to begin trusting God again. And that meant allowing myself to be truly born again.

  • There are so many things I want to do.
  • I have a vision of what I feel like ETIW could be and sometimes I fear I try to do it all at the same time.
  • I end up pulling myself into a million different directions

“Therefore if any man be in Christ, he is a new creature: old things are passed away; behold, all things are become new.”
~ 2 Corinthians 5:17 ~

Some might be wondering to themselves: “Why is this girl so obsessed with God?”

Whether you are or aren’t thinking that. I, myself, have pondered; “Why am I so obsessed with exploring a relationship with God?”

The answer that came to my heart is simple. I know I’m only 26, so this might seem a bit dramatic, but…I have been let down by many people, situations, and things.

The constant disappointment in things I thought I could put my faith into led me down a path of self-help and spiritual growth.
That road eventually led me back into God’s loving embrace.

God’s love is sturdy yet tender. Persistent and demanding yet liberating.

It is a type of love I have never experienced in my life. I must admit. God’s love had me feeling like a vampire who was afraid of the light. The parts of me that were hurting felt unworthy. I felt crazy, stupid, and foolish. Maybe this “God” thing was just supposed to be an occasional thing, why do I feel the need to allow it to consume my life?

However, as I healed my relationship with religion and began to dive into the Bible to better understand who God is, I realized He often insisted we cast our burdens onto Him.

Time and time again He would say:

  • “Hey, stop worrying about the future (Mathew 6:34)
  • Put your trust in Me (Isaiah 30:15)
  • and surrender to My process (Jeremiah 29:11).”

And that’s why I am trusting God Again.

I began to realize the “demanding” parts of God’s love were simply due to God’s desire for us to face the facts and be accountable for our actions.

What are the things I am doing that create undesirable cycles and dynamics in my life?

The conviction I felt in my spirit became too much to bear. It was time to let go, it was time to become a new person and let God show me the way. The freedom that comes with this level of trust is scary but strangely liberating.

I have been creating consistently again.

With this new path comes a difference in the way I wake up and live my life.

Internally, I sense a shift, I am making different choices. Externally, things look more or less the same. ETIW is nowhere where I’d like to be. And I don’t know what to do about it. But there is one thing I do know and aim to embody fully…

I will carry less baggage & actively practice trusting God. (even though I have zero clue what I’m doing) 😉

“Even though I walk through the darkest valley, I will fear no evil, for you are with me;”
~ Psalm 23:4 NIV ~

Perhaps next week, we’ll explore “faith” in the unknown…